There was once, a day uncle Jim tells the story of his life in his blog. It was the first time he publicized his story. The first public post was about him hating what uncle Abe had done to make granny angry, but then, granny never scolded uncle Abe.
Uncle Jim was so furious to the maid as well. She was interfering with uncle Jim's anger that in the end, as uncle Jim surpressed his anger to the maid, he was scolded hard by granny. He hates that; the part when he is to be blamed for everything, but uncle Abe was never being scolded at all.
Mom got her part to in that post. She commented, and that was all her mistake. She had surpressed her 20 years worth of feelings and objections towards what granny and grandad had made her to be what she is, but actually, what she was trying to say was, she lived through it. Her life was not at all perfect, but as she grew older, those depression that she felt before, those lines and rules that granny had set for her, the pressures and sorts, those were the things that kept her living and still going. That's what's important.
Maybe uncle Jim understood what was between the line that mom was trying to tell, but granny didn't. She was very sad and disappointed with what both of her eldest children had put in that blog. Granny shed her tears for that particular reason. And so does mom.
Mom had been feeling guilty and tried to apologize. But she was scared. Mom was so scared that granny wouldn't approve of her as their child that she cried day and night and asked GOD not to take her parents away. Mom had rarely even meet her parents for being so far apart from each other but, now, after what she had done, she was like throwing granny and grandad altogether. She felt real bad about it that she called in sick that day, and cried.
Granny then sent a message, of acknowledgement that uncle Jim and mom had apologized. She was so disappointed with both of her children but she said she loved them dearly. She said she was sorry that what she wanted of mom was interpreted into pressures and forces. Granny merel wanted mom and uncle Jim to be a better person in life.
Mom was so sad reading that message that she cried the whole day. She couldn't stop crying. She had told the truth of her old feelings, and that was her mistake. Mom had forgotten that her parents are two very special people that owns two fragile hearts. And now all the dreams and hopes of my grandparents were shattered to pieces, stabbed by what their children had written.
Mom said she doesn't actually care for whatever granny wanted her to do now, that's her life, the life before marriage. What mom had wanted when she was younger, all those things are just merely dreams that will never come true, and so be it. She doesn't care anymore, whether she has to marry a stranger, or whether she needs to be an engineer. What mom was trying to tell in that blog, is that, she cares more about what granny thinks of her, of what granny wants.
Yes, she had been pressurized by granny's dreams as well but, everybody experience pressure. Mom had been lucky to have survived college although she doesn't like what she studied. She actually fought of her young self and mature as she get through her hatred and live trying to love it. In the end, mom loves the person she is now than the person she was before, until she tells the story of her "before".
To grann, I really hope you would forgive mom. Mom cried and still is crying for her mistake. She's really sorry for what she had done. She just wanted to tell the truth, but was done the wrong way. Please understand her, as she understands you now~
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